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Parenting Solutions: frank discussion about real parenting challenges

Lying, by Loretta Jay

Story-telling, fibbing, just plain ole’ not telling the truth. What’s a parent to do? How should such situations be handled?

What do other parents do?

Some parents remove privileges or lecture their children. Another tries behavior modification with stickers as rewards. One parent says that reading the story “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” doesn’t seem to make an impression.

What do the Pros Say?

Doctors Martha and William Pieper, authors of “Smart Love, The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline That Will Make You a Better Parent and Your Child a Better Person” say that between the ages of three and six all children “bend the truth a little”. Children’s secondary happiness is related to if they get (or don’t get) what they want. They recommend not addressing the fib, and instead respond to the underlying issue. For instance, if little Becky says she only ate two candies but it is apparent that she ate five, the parent can say to Becky that they know it is difficult to only eat two because the candies look so yummy, and then the parent takes tighter control of the candy in the future.

Dr. Michele Borba, child expert, spoke with Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today Show on April 6, 2005 about what parents should do when children lie and cheat. She said that once a child is three years old he understands the difference between truth and deception. She said that it is important to teach him the difference between playful teasing and lying in order to avoid responsibility for completing a task or for misbehavior. She advocates trying to understand the child’s motivation for the lie, and not overreacting to it. You also want him to understand his own behavior so that he develops a sense of conscience and can be his own guide in the future when you are not around.

So, if your preschooler does tell stories remember that this is a natural part of his development as he becomes more independent. Try not to overreact as you help your little one develop a sense of right and wrong. 

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