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Parenting Solutions: frank discussion about real parenting challenges

Separation Anxiety, by Loretta Jay

Separation Anxiety. Whether a child is just beginning school for the first time, or this is her second or third year attending class, separating from mom and dad can lead to anxiety for the kids, and the parents too.

What do other parents say?

While each parent has his or her own style, one thing should be consistent: be positive. One parent keeps the details to a minimum. For instance, she told her child that he was going to have fun with his teachers (she used their names) and classmates, and once he was settled playing in the sandbox she quietly left the classroom. Another parent spoke to her daughter often during the summer about going to school like her big sister. On the first day of school this mother remained in the corner as her daughter got acclimated. Though she continued to cry on subsequent days, mom remained strong and gave her a kiss good-bye (mom’s tears came later). Each day there is more progress.

What do the pros say? Dr. Benjamin Spock recommends reassuring the anxious child, but not overprotecting her. Specifically, he says that children recognize when a parent feels guilty or hesitates. He said that once a child is enrolled in a nursery school program, it should be insisted that he or she attend unless “deeply terrified.” Dr. Paul (Dr. Paul Roumeliotis, McGill University) says that talking to your child ahead of time about what to expect is the most important part of helping him adjust.

So, if your kid is having a tough time getting adjusted to school, be supportive by acknowledging his feelings, while still being firm stating that even though he is sad he needs to remain at school. This may be a good opportunity for him to develop a special bond with the teachers, as they comfort him. 

 

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