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Parenting Solutions: frank discussion about real parenting challenges Sexual Abuse, by Loretta Jay We hear about childhood sexual abuse in the news, but we may feel immune from it in our own community? How do we protect our children from sexual abuse without frightening them? How do we empower our kids to protect themselves, and to tell a responsible adult if someone does try to hurt them? At what age should these topics be introduced? What do other parents do? Some parents explain to their children that some parts of the body are private, and only the parents or the child’s doctor may touch or look at their genitalia. Other parents are unsure of how to broach the topic, and as a result avoid it. What do the pros say? Reverend Debra W. Haffner is the director of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing, and the author of From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children. She explains that young children may have a difficult time recognizing the difference between good and bad touches. For example an inappropriate touch may feel good, while hair washing to a six-year-old may not. Children should learn that they have the right to tell others not to touch their bodies, and that sexual abuse occurs when an older, stronger, more powerful person looks at or touches a child's genitals for no reason. They can be reassured that most adults would never hurt children, but sadly, they need to know that anyone can abuse children. She emphasizes that a child must feel empowered to tell a trusting adult if anyone tries to hurt them that way. This may not stop the first incident of sexual abuse, but can stop subsequent incidents. The American Academy of Pediatrics prevention plan recommends by age 18 months the proper names for body parts be taught to children, and that between ages three and five children be taught about private parts of the body and how to say “no” to sexual advances. Give straightforward answers about sex. Parents should talk with their child about sexual abuse, including the difference between touches to private parts and other touching, taking advantage of teachable moments; listen when your child is trying to tell you something, and give her enough time and attention; know who your child is spending time with and ask questions about time spent with caregivers; work with your child’s school about an abuse prevention program and tell someone in authority if you suspect that your child or someone else’s child is being abused. To report suspected child abuse or neglect, contact the National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD or your state's local Child Abuse Hotline. In summary, maintain open communication with your children, take advantage of “teachable moments” and empower your child with knowledge. |
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